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Thursday, 31 May 2012

[ ..insatiable.. ]

Sometimes, I loathe myself for being so ungrateful towards how life's been treating me. I mean, things can't be as bad as I always imagine, right? Gee golly, sometimes it is not only you who gets super annoyed at my whining! Trust me, I hated my own whinings too! But I just couldn't stop whining!

Urgh! I'm sooooo angry at myself!

I'll say that the whole internet thing does not suit me at all. When I go out with friends, I'm not usually that emo. Of course I'm still a whiner but seriously if I think of anything that makes me incredibly unhappy, it would be the internet.

While the internet is a great place to explore, I find myself in the self-pity corner where I think to myself, what a fucking loser I am to be sitting here, looking at this dumb ass idiot box while majority of people are out there enjoying life.

Then, I get jealous, angry at other people for being out there, knowing how to have fun, how to communicate with people!

Gee golly, I fucking hate being a socially awkward penguin here!

Time and time again I ask myself, why wont you go out and make some real friends? Instead of sitting around here, sinking into a pool of self-pityness and loneliness.

But what makes a real friend?

Gosh, I'm just so sad today with my painful spine and a stinging red right eye.

Tonight is the night when I sincerely feel that things will be better if I don't fucking exist. I havent felt this way for a long time now and I have no idea why I have this urge to just cease into existence.

What the fuck am I doing here? Why the fuck am I here?

I'm so fucking tired of everything. I'm tired of working. I'm tired of putting up a face at work. I'm tired of talking. I'm tired of speaking. I'm tired of listening. I'm tired of hearing. I'm tired of writing. I'm tired of typing. I'm tired of rationalising things. I'm tired of thinking.

I am trying my best to live day by day as it is but there just isnt any point to what i am doing every day.

How do you continue when you clearly know that there is no purpose in your life at all?

Fuck.

Gosh. Things can just go on without me, right? So, what's the fucking point?

I can just slip in and out people's lives without them realising it at all.

Miss Cellophane, I am Miss Cellophane. Nobody knows I'm there. People can walk right through me, walk right by me. Nobody knows that I'm there.

Isn't that just perfect!

Loneliness just hit me in the face like a cold brick wall.

It's all empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. There isn't anything there. Just empty darkness. Without even an echo to reflect my scream.

I wanted to go to a nearest wall, find a hole to tell my secrets and then bury it. Until I realised that I have no secrets in the first place.

I'm so broken. In spirit. Mind. And body.

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:: stitched on` ::*|00:22|

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:: ..it is me.. ::
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suwas.jpg
Ailurophile. Irascible. Desultory. Furtive.

Me

:: ..Type Here.. ::
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:: ..pages i stalk.. ::
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..queen of mushrooms..
..best page on earth..


:: ..Tick Tock.. :: --------------------------------------

:: ..Calender 2013.. ::

June
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::..Wishes.. ::
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~ eternal financial stability, bitch
~ Tokyo solo 2013
~ to Japan, I go for second time!
~ to Japan, I go!
~ Canon G12
~ Superheadz Ultra Wide and Slim!
~ Superheadz Golden Half!
~ new camera!
~ a studio home
~ publish a novel/short stories compilation


:: ..Crédits.. ::
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Photo: SuuwaXSupatenshi