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Thursday, 12 April 2012

[ ..to dad.. ]

I don't get to spend time with dad a lot. Ever since I moved out from my hometown for work, I rarely see him for more than five times a year.

For the past four years I've been in the city, I didn't spend two Chinese New Years with him. Being a cheena man himself, he took it sadly that his youngest couldn't even find the time to celebrate the new year with him.

I love my dad. I love my dad for his teachings. I love my dad for his stubbornness. I love my dad albeit his many flaws and mistakes in life. He taught me that every human beings make mistakes, even parents. And that the most important thing in life is forgiveness.

He forgives me when I failed him. I forgive him when he failed me.

He taught me how to be like him. He also taught me how not to be like him.

There was a time in life when I loathed him. I forgot where I came from. I forgot that he is still the better parent despite his actions and mistakes.

I will never forget how I spend my evenings with him during my childhood.

Waiting for him to come home to save me from mom's constant nagging. Resting my head on his arm while watching TV. Asking him stupid questions just to makes him laugh and smile. My siblings said that I am very clever in buying his heart.  But to me, it makes me happy just to see him laugh.

I love it when he spews out facts. I love it when he said the wrong thing deliberately to catch whether I am paying attention to his words.

As he grew older, he slowly becomes a child. Instead of him telling me things that I don't know, now I am telling him about things that he doesn't know.

Instead of him nagging me about studies, now I am nagging him about his medicines.

I inherited his sarcasm. I inherited his sense of humour. I also inherited his superstitions. I inherited his wonky eyes.

I am glad to be able to spend a holiday with him. I am glad to live with him for ten days. I am glad to be able to nag him about his stubbornness, his rashness, his forgetfulness, his carelessness etc, while he smirks quietly at the side.

I knew that he does things deliberately wrongly just to get me to nag him. He likes to be nagged by me. And I love making him smile at my nags.

It makes me sad that he is now back at hometown with nobody by his side. Nobody making him smile. Nobody making him laugh.

This makes me even angrier at myself. I want to be able to bring him here to the city. I want to give him a place to stay. I want to make him laugh every day. I want to tell him what I learn every day.

I want to let him know that I think about him every day. That I am worried about him every day. That I do miss him even though I had never shown it.

One of the bad things that I inherited from him is his aloofness. And his big butt wtf.

I don't talk about my dad often. But when I do, I get so emotional that I am tearing up now for no reasons. wtf

I want to bring him to places he saw on the television. I want to tell everyone that I have a great dad. I want to let everyone know that despite all his mistakes, he is still the best dad that I could ever have.

I want to tell him all these but gee golly, I inherited too much of his pride and aloofness to do that. wtf.

But I believe that he knows. He knows I love him. He knows that I am building my life for him. And cat, of course. wtf

I am sorry to disappoint him at times. But I know that he always forgive me and always willing to give me another chance to redeem myself. Because he believe in me. He trusts that I can do good for myself.

I am glad that I never made him worried about me ever since I left secondary school. I am glad that I never made him worry about my work.

Although he never says it out loud, I know that he is proud of me. And also, although he never says it out loud, he wished that I have a boyfriend too, wtf.

I am so happy to be his child. I am so happy to be his favourite child. I hope he knows that he is my favourite parent too (sorry, mom.) .

For all I know now, I just want to be able to give him a travel life that he had wished for all these years. I want to let him see the world as I see it.

I just love my dad too much to tell him to his face. So, I wrote my feelings here. Sorry if I made you cry. It was intentional wtf. 

:: stitched on` ::*|03:01|

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