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Thursday, 2 February 2012

[ ..disappointed.. ]

I tried. I tried so hard to keep it all to myself. Not to add any comments when they mention about it. But I cannot stand it anymore.

I tried. I tried so hard not to shed a single tear for what I see, what I read and what I hear. But I cannot take it anymore.

I tried. I tried so hard to not lose one more person from the clan. But I cannot accept it anymore.

I tried. I did try.

It is hard to delete someone completely. Especially if I'd know the person for the most of my life. But I simply cannot continue holding on anymore.

I tried. I tried so hard.

That single status. That couplets of comments. That spirit that carries along. They are unacceptable to me.

I tried.

People think my words, my sharp tongue and katana of a pen shows that I am a heartless person. Shows that I am strong. That I am tough. That I can take storm and turn it into a cup of tea to taste.

Those are simply not true. I tried to be the person people are seeing. But I simply isn't that person.

I am weak. My words are my only wall that can protect my true self to be shown. My words are the only protection wall I can put up for myself. To keep the real me within so that I will not be bullied.

I can control my tear ducts but at these time, I only feel like plucking my eyes out and just let them disconnect from my brain so that it can let the tears rolling.

I want to scream about things to somebody. I want to cry out loud about it. I want to let people know how bad things are. I want to be god and stop the uncontrollable actions. I want to let this spiteful words inside me to pour out.

I tried.

I am screaming inside. I am burning inside. I am crying inside. I am dying inside.

I've had enough.

I often think that it is just a very long dream but it is real. It is true. And there is no point of return.

I'm done. I am done. This is where you finish reading a piece of paper and scribble your signature at the bottom and this is the end. You will never see that piece of paper anymore. Or you can even get hold onto it anymore.

It's gone and it is never coming back. Even when it does, nothing will ever be the same again.

This is what happen. When trust, is betrayed.

:: stitched on` ::*|03:44|

:: [0] care[s] ::


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:: ..it is me.. ::
Ailurophile. Irascible. Desultory. Furtive.


:: ..Type Here.. ::

:: ..pages i stalk.. ::
..queen of mushrooms..
..best page on earth..

:: ..Tick Tock.. :: --------------------------------------

:: ..Calender 2013.. ::


::..Wishes.. ::
~ eternal financial stability, bitch
~ Tokyo solo 2013
~ to Japan, I go for second time!
~ to Japan, I go!
~ Canon G12
~ Superheadz Ultra Wide and Slim!
~ Superheadz Golden Half!
~ new camera!
~ a studio home
~ publish a novel/short stories compilation

:: ..Crédits.. ::
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