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Thursday, 1 December 2011

[ ..alt-x, alt-v.. ]

Sometimes I wonder, why do I need to live in other people's approvals and mood swings when I am already 22 have my own car, pay my own bills - basically capable of surviving on my own?

Why do I need to look and listen to other people's constant griping and complains and dissatisfaction when I, myself, is very very happy with my own little cozy corner.

Or why do I still need to share a room with a highly unreasonable, irrational and illogical person when I certainly do not need to endure all the stress that they had been giving me for the past year?


People constantly asking me why am I so eager to find a place of my own when I am just merely 22 years old. "You are just 22! You don't have to rush!"

People constantly reminding me that I am still young and I don't need a house at this age. Just live day-by-day now and save until it is enough for you to buy a house of your own.

My impatience has nothing to do with me trying to show the world that I am capable (when I am certainly not). I am not trying to act like I am an accomplished person when I am not. 

All I was thinking about is to live in solidarity and seclusion. Happy alone with my cat. With my cat. I want a happy home for my cat. I want a place where he will never be threaten by anyone. Where he will never be bullied by anyone. A place where he will never be constrained by the gallows anymore.

Never once I felt as if I was at home when I am at that place. I felt like a tenant. A tenant who shares room with another tenant. Everyday I listen to complains and get scolded and bullied by them.

Why do I need to be bullied by them when I am capable of living alone? Why?

MY life principle is - if you do not depend on them to continue living, you don't need to endure their anger towards you. But I'd been living in pain for years with them. Why should I continue?

I'd been bullied since I was a child. And I am continued to be bullied until I am 22 years old. Why should I continue?

Have these people ever considered my mental health? Have these people ever thought of my feelings? No.

At one moment, I thought I'd lost my mind. I thought I should just erase my history and rewrite them like how I always write my stories. Erase the bad ones then replace them with good ones.

I am so mentally tired. I was thrown into this emotional turmoil for the past two days and the only time when I felt extremely happy was this morning, when I woke up at a new place. Clean, happy new place. And my cat sleeping soundly on my feet. This is what I'd been looking for years. Just waking up a happy person.

For years I thought I will be trapped in that place until I die. I will not be able to run away from it because of all the obligations.

But once the people in the house shown me no respect at all just because I am the youngest, I made the decision to move out no matter what. And so I did.

I'd finally moved out of that place. That hell hole, as I called it. That place itself isn't bad. It's just the people in it are fucked. It fits Carlin's description of earth, 'The planet is fine, it's the people who are fucked up'.

If I continue to live in that place, I may have just thrown myself out of the tenth floor in two more days. I can no longer be able to look at these people in normal ways anymore.

They do not respect me. They do not care about my feelings and my mental health. If I continue to live there any longer, I may just lose my mind. You may come and visit me and cat at the asylum.

I am 22, I finally have my own room. I finally have my own space. But of course, I still haven't got the chance to let my cat live freely in his own space. I promise, one day, the gallows will be gone and we will both live happily ever after.

I felt as if the handcuffs on my wrists are gone and the chain-balls tied to my feet are let loose. I am finally free.

:: stitched on` ::*|14:18|

:: [0] care[s] ::


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:: ..it is me.. ::
Ailurophile. Irascible. Desultory. Furtive.


:: ..Type Here.. ::

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:: ..Tick Tock.. :: --------------------------------------

:: ..Calender 2013.. ::


::..Wishes.. ::
~ eternal financial stability, bitch
~ Tokyo solo 2013
~ to Japan, I go for second time!
~ to Japan, I go!
~ Canon G12
~ Superheadz Ultra Wide and Slim!
~ Superheadz Golden Half!
~ new camera!
~ a studio home
~ publish a novel/short stories compilation

:: ..Crédits.. ::
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