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Thursday, 14 July 2011

[ ..random things I wrote.. ]

So much had changed for the past month.

While I admit that I still have my negative habits and attitude, I have to say that my mind is broaden by all these experience I had.

I learnt so much in this past month. I learn to set my priorities right. I learn to care about some stuff that I never did. I learn to voice out my opinions. I learn to be free of all sorts of regulations.

Of course, I am still impatient, whiny, angry, pushy, irritating, annoying, etc.

Believe it or not, I am trying my best to learn how not to be whatever mentioned above. I had been this way since I was a child and as a Chinese saying said "Personality of a 3 year-old retains 'till 80 year-old" .

But I know that is not quite true. One can change to be better if they try really hard to. I am trying very hard but sometimes, like a drug addict, I relapsed into the old way, which is not good.

If I had been pushy, impatient, irritating and annoying towards you, I beg for your forgiveness. I am learning. I am still learning. I will always be learning. Tell me straight ahead that I am being annoying. I promise that I will not be offended. Don't make me realise it myself because it feels the worst.

I often ask for honesty in everyone I know of. But nobody ever seems to be honest. I don't understand why. Is it really difficult to be honest? Honesty often came out harsh, but honesty can be polite too. Honesty and insults are two different things.

And I know how to differentiate honesty and insults. If you criticism is constructive, I will not be angry at you. In fact I will be glad to know that you are teaching me. I love to learn. So, teach me how to be a better person.

Every time when a relationship fails, I can easily identify the problem. The lack of honesty. A good liar myself, can easily notice which is a lie and which is not. Although I lie a lot but I personally hates liars. So basically I hate myself, which is true. I do hate myself. Sometimes I hate myself so much I feel like punching my mirror image on the face. Then I realised that I will just hurt myself, which is ironic because I wanted to punch my mirror image to hurt myself in the first place. What am I talking about? wtf

Anyway, I really want people to be honest with me. I really want people to tell me what am I doing wrong. I need to know the way to improve myself.

Unfortunately, no one ever does that. Nobody ever tell me what I am doing wrong. They wanted me to realise it myself, but as a person, self-delusional is very common and I actually love to be delusional.

In a way that if I bought something that cost RM80, I can actually convince myself that it only cost RM40.

So, it is easy for me to convince myself that I didn't do anything wrong. Nobody wants to know their own faults and this is true. Who wants to tell themselves that they had just done something wrong?

Why do we need friends? Because to tell us how wrong we are in certain things. Good friends will tell you what is wrong with you but of course, don't always take their words for it. Be sure of it yourself. Before you say anything back at your friend, sit down, think rationally if what your friend told you about yourself is true or not. If it's true, tell you friend you agree that you had been an asshole, then subsequently ask them for advice, on how not to be an asshole. If it's not true, then think of a logical argument on why you are not being an asshole and tell your friend about it.

But remember, never defend yourself before you think things through. Don't embarrass yourself. Like I did a lot of times. Now I am not like that anymore, good grief.

I want just one person to be honest with me. One person who can tell me, "can you please stop doing that? it's annoying!" .

I cannot stop myself, therefore, please stop me.

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I wanted to attain zen status in my life. But to think of it, me being zen and quiet and all just really doesn't make sense. So, I shall be noisy and doing clumsy stuff for the entertainment of others. I actually found at least one person who enjoyed seeing me dropping food on the table, spilling drinks on people, driving recklessly and just being myself. 

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 Someone please remind me to stop whining in front of my boss or else I will lose my job.

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Be nice, Suwa! Be nice!!!

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Embarrassment is when the other countries treat your rakyat better than you do. 

We are under dictatorship, not democracy. 

:: stitched on` ::*|17:38|

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:: ..it is me.. ::
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suwas.jpg
Ailurophile. Irascible. Desultory. Furtive.

Me

:: ..Type Here.. ::
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:: ..pages i stalk.. ::
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..queen of mushrooms..
..best page on earth..


:: ..Tick Tock.. :: --------------------------------------

:: ..Calender 2013.. ::

June
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::..Wishes.. ::
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~ eternal financial stability, bitch
~ Tokyo solo 2013
~ to Japan, I go for second time!
~ to Japan, I go!
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~ new camera!
~ a studio home
~ publish a novel/short stories compilation


:: ..Crédits.. ::
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