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Thursday, 21 July 2011

[ ..another rambling that means nothing.. ]

I am joining my colleagues to go for another treasure hunt again this weekend. It's weird how I was never interested in school treasure hunts but now willing to pay so much just to join.

I am never a person who can solve a puzzle or can bring you out of a maze. I'm always the person who is lost in all the confusion and no matter how hard I try to save myself, I always end up getting even lost and deep in trouble. It mirrors in both game and real life for me.

I often wonder what changed in me ever since I turned 20 two years ago. It's not that I became more mature or more intellectual or even wiser. I am still an immature idiot who doesn't think properly before she speaks.

 What shocked me the most in these year alone is how I often raise my hands when somebody asks "who wants to join this and that".

I was never the student who wanted to join every school activities. It always seems troublesome for me to join anyone in anything because if anything happens, I will be the first one to be blamed. Why? Because I am the stupidest one wherever I go.

My school did not encourage me in being outgoing at all. In fact, it made me an introvert.

Well. I am pretty much still an introvert. If I meet a stranger outside of work, I wouldn't be able to be talkative with them, as I do with the people I meet at work.

Anyway, I really wish I can be cleverer. I don't know in what way, but I just want to be more intellectual. More knowledgeable so I will be able to help in any treasure hunts I join.

So far, nobody ever blames me during the two hunts I did but I still wish I can be better. I think, that might be why I want to join more.

Changes. Once a friend said that everyone we know from secondary school had changed. The way she said it, as if she never change but the truth is, she changed too.

Nobody ever realise how much they had changed over the years of growing up. No, I am not talking about appearance because it's not important. The most important change in a person is their personality.

I often wonder in what aspects have I changed? Have I been better or worse? I try to distance myself now from myself in secondary school, but have I succeeded? I really have no idea. I will not know because I hardly stay in touch with those 'friends' I had in those days.

I have my priorities right, I guess? I mean, if a friend you think not worth keeping, then why waste your time keeping in touch with, right? A world will be a better place if there are less nosy people. That including myself hehe.

Some people feel obligated to keep in touch. Just not me. I honestly, do not care what happens to everyone.I'm not talking about those I dislike during school, but also those whom I was friends with.

I had always drawn a line between private personal life with other people's. The line specifically said that "I don't care about your matters, You don't need to probe into my problems". Therefore, if you have a boyfriend, I don't care. If I have a boyfriend, that's none of your business. Something like that.

I don't care how much you earn, you don't need to know where I spend my money on. I don't care if you wear high end clothing, you don't need to look down on my ragged shirts.I don't care if your family has problems, you don't need to know what's wrong with my family.

So, that is simply why reunions are not my thing.

I know I know, nobody will invite me anyway coz I'm an asshole. hehe.

The thing with reunions is that people basically have nothing to talk about except comparing their lives with each other. In a nicer way, it is sharing information after so many years out of school, or sharing happiness.

To me, it's always 'i make more money than you, bitch' or 'my husband's dong is longer than your husband's' or 'i am a doctor now, i am definitely more successful than you now hahahh!'.

Why do we need comparison? Seriously, after all those years in school, do we need another round of comparisons with each other? I could spend my time reading a book or watching a compelling movie than to join in that kind of dimwitted conversations.

If I ever HAD to attend a reunion, I bet I will be the one sitting right there listening to all these stupid people talking. Stupid, not as in academically stupid because everyone are graduates (surely) except for me, which means I'm once again the stupidest of all. Stupid as in, people who will waste so much time comparing something that do not need comparisons.

I mean, what are you suppose to say if someone say "Oh, after I graduated from Harvard, I went on to travel around the world for two years then now I am working as a doctor in Africa saving all those poor tiny skinny kids!"

What are you suppose to say? "Oh good for you!!!" and then go home and feel bad coz you suck in life then proceed to call another friend and tell her how pretentious that Harvard bitch is and then everyone thinks Harvard lady is pretentious and bitchy, then you feel worse because not only that you are a rumour monger but also because you will  not achieve as much as her for the rest of your life.

THAT is why suicide rate is climbing steadily now. BECAUSE people wouldn't stop COMPARING!

Stop comparing yourself with others. So what if you cannot achieve what others did? As long as you are leading a happy life, isn't that enough?

How to stop being unhappy in life? Easy, stop meeting up with old friends coz in any way, ANY way at all they can make you feel bad about yourself coz human being will never be content with what they have or own.

Let them have their lives. They want to be honourable, it's their problem. You want to be selfish, it's your problem as long you don't hurt anyone. If you don't meet then, there will be less gossiping and less damage to both your and your old friend's lives.

Reunion? What reunion?! Go and have fun yourselves, I'm sitting at home and be a loser as you all will name me, but I don't care because I am happy and you are happy so it's a win-win situation.

I start to sound like a drunk now. Hahahahah. I don't know what to say except, do not let others ruin your life just because they do better than you. Nobody can do better than others. Everyone have their own problems. Success? What is success? If success can be measured by numbers, then it is not a success. It's pathetic.

Happiness and success can never be measured by numbers. In fact, there is no such things as success and happiness. It's all fake. Try not to feel anything. Try to feel neutral. Be rational. Be logical.

I don't know how to end this ramblings. I swear I didn't drink anything except coffee. Anyway. Bye/ hahaahhahaa

:: stitched on` ::*|21:14|

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