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Monday, 2 May 2011

[ ..so it is may.. ]

Hello all. It has been a while since my last post. I know I know. You didn't miss anything. There is nothing to miss in this blog.

I am feeling a little empty lately. I don't know what makes me feel that way. But I just do.

This month is pretty much a month where money flies away from me. Sometimes I feel that it is funny how I save and save and save all my money and never use them, and then suddenly I just have to fork out so much for something that doesn't mean much to me.

Car insurance. I don't get it. I really don't. But then when I saw how a friend got into an accident and her car burnt up into ashes, I kind of understand why car insurance is needed.

But I never understand insurance anyway. I never even want to buy it. I feel so stupid to pay other people and make them happy when I myself feel so miserable. I would rather die with fatal diseases than to give my money away. Insurance makes no sense to me. Insurance is just a money making machine to me. Insurance are just forms of cheating, robbing, stealing and pillaging  to me.

Sometimes, I tell myself, not to take money seriously. I mean, use it to make yourself feel happier. But the things that I like. Use it to make other people happy too! Why in the hell you save so much for? What if one day I die and the money all goes to the bank? I don't have a will. I don't have health insurance. If I really die tomorrow, all the money I saved will be gone in just a second.

I feel so stressed up. I hate it when money matters makes me feel sad and angry to the fact that I am not born rich. It made me hate the sight of rich people. It made me angry that my dad is not a good businessman and how he always got cheated by people. How he always send money to strangers rather to his own children.

Sometimes I ask myself, why do I have to work so hard when others doesn't even need to lift up a finger to get money? Why can't I be one of them? Why can't I just stop working and still get the money flowing to my hands?

I feel so sick of myself. I feel so sick of money. I feel so sick of everything.

Ever since I turned 20 I knew that I do not need much in my life except a salary that is enough for me and shiro-kyun to live, a good, movable car, a nice small house and just that. I don't need much in life. I don't need big house or expensive car. Or a walk-in wardrobe and walls of shoes. I don't need all those. I just want a comfortable life, is that so difficult to achieve?

It pains me to know that I will have to work and work and work until the day I die and not living the life I wanted so much. It breaks my heart to see my cat living like this and being complained by my brother and sister and my mom. I want to give him freedom, but to this day I cannot afford it. I wanna run away with him so badly. I wanna run away with him to a place where nobody can contact us or complain about us.

I just want to be alone with my cat. I don't want to hear anyone talking bad about my cat anymore.

Sometimes I just feel like taking all the money from my bank out and pay off my stupid car loan so I don't have to think so much about it anymore. One reason why I don't want to take the government loan for studies is because I don't want to be 21 and owe so much money. But I just got myself a stupid car. That is why I never feel any love for my car. It got scratched, got dented, got punctured and I feel nothing for it. Coz it takes so much money away from me.

But at least I have a car and I can still sell it away one day. Meanwhile, I will just abuse it as much as I can coz I hate it so much.

Why can't I have parents who will throw money to me and give me a nice car, give me a nice house, and a sure-guaranteed inheritance that can last me a lifetime?

AHHHHH I JUST WANT TO BE HAPPY IS THAT SO DIFFICULT TO ACHIEVE?

Sigh. Hate to live, sometimes. Wish I were dead so I don't have to deal with so many things. I want to grow up but I hate the commitment we gain as we grow up.

Bills to pay, tax to pay, loan to pay. Growing up is all about money. I wish I am 11 year-old forever and watch CCS daily and not worry about paying this and that. Adult = Money. Then I choose childhood and not adulthood. I will throw all my money away in exchange of being a kid again!!!!!

But that will never happen so I'm going to keep my money to myself for now.

Haiya! Enough talk about money lah! I don't think I want to care anymore. I am going to use as much money as I can so I can be happy again! And I am so not going to use my credit card to pay off my car insurance.I'm going to use cash, coz that way I won't feel like shite. I hate using credit card. I don't even understand why I have two on my hands. This is dumb.

Okay, enough. Good day all. This is my rant for the entire week. I will be back with something more positive. Bye!

suwa

p.s.: this post has 21 words of 'Money' in it. and everything basically dwells on the subject, money.

:: stitched on` ::*|16:06|

:: [2] care[s] ::

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:: ..it is me.. ::
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suwas.jpg
Ailurophile. Irascible. Desultory. Furtive.

Me

:: ..Type Here.. ::
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:: ..pages i stalk.. ::
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..queen of mushrooms..
..best page on earth..


:: ..Tick Tock.. :: --------------------------------------

:: ..Calender 2013.. ::

June
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::..Wishes.. ::
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~ eternal financial stability, bitch
~ Tokyo solo 2013
~ to Japan, I go for second time!
~ to Japan, I go!
~ Canon G12
~ Superheadz Ultra Wide and Slim!
~ Superheadz Golden Half!
~ new camera!
~ a studio home
~ publish a novel/short stories compilation


:: ..Crédits.. ::
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