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Thursday, 26 August 2010

[ ..why am i still here when she is not?.. ]

I've been avoiding seeing her photos, mentioning her name out loud and cry for her. It was a tragedy. It shouldn't happen to her at all. I miss seeing her wagging her tail so fast when she sees me. I miss her smell. I miss lying on the floor while she licks my cheek, my nose, my lips, my ears. I miss teaching her how to stand, stay and giving her treats for all the tricks that she does. I miss her so so much.

But I refrain myself from remembering her. Until I saw this photo taken by my sister, stored in the deepest file in her laptop. I don't even bother how fucking huge I look in the photo. It's the pure happiness displayed in this photo. And I regretted that this is one of the very few photos of me and her. I wish there were more. I wish she was still around. I wish I am not here and she still is.

I took this pic back in 2008/2009. Shiro-kyu had skin disease that time. All the fur of his fell off around his eyes, ears, nose, legs, and leaving garish spots all over his body. It was heartbreaking. Nobody wants to touch him. Everyone is afraid of his disease. The vet told me that it cannot be cured. But look at him now...

I'm glad that he is fine... But death is whimsical. I wish I will die before Shiro-kyun coz I cannot take another. Let me die before u do, darling. I see her in you. Do you still remember her? How she barks at you? How she growled at you? How she salivate when she sees you eating? Do you still remember her?

Today is a little emotional for me. I just want to go home. Take a rest. Sleep and hope that tomorrow will come and this feel of lost, sadness, angst and loneliness will be gone.

Let me be happy again tomorrow.


:: stitched on` ::*|14:28|

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:: ..it is me.. ::
Ailurophile. Irascible. Desultory. Furtive.


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