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Wednesday, 18 August 2010

[ ..flan.. ]

You have your plans and all. You try your best to ignore whatever fucks that happening because you have your plans.

An act of selfishness, I may add. Yes, I am selfish like that. I always has been selfish like that. I don't give a damn of what's happening in my surrounding.

Why I save that kind of money, you asks? My answer is simple: To travel. To meet more people. To get out of this shit hole. To find a place to settle down in the future so I don't have to stay here. To get away from the people I know right now. To run away from all of you.

I am not wishing to have a mansion for a house or an branded expensive car with a chauffeur. I just want to have a small house to me and Shiro-kyun. A small car to bring us around. And friendly people around me. Who will not judge me.

Reading my blog surely helps you to understand that I am selfish like that. I only thinks for myself. I only think for myself and Shiro-kyun. I only make plans for myself. Not my parents, not my siblings.

But tell me, If I don't plan for myself, who will? Will you? Will you help me plan for my future? Will you help me make my dreams come true? Will you?

I see opportunities. I see chances. I see hopes. But as soon as I tell any of you, you all just make me feel bad, make my plans fall apart. I tell you because I want your opinions. I tell you because I want to share my happiness. I tell you because you are the closest people to me.

But all you do is to make me feel bad and makes me feel guilty. And make me rip off my plans with my own hands because it will make you feel happier.

None of you wants me to succeed. None of you wish me well. None of you care about me.

But that makes sense because I don't care about you.

I give up. I give up. Because none of you supports my decisions. None of you wants me to do well. None of you are as close to me as I thought you were.

Commitments, endurance, burdens. Those are the words you all throw to me. You all think I had a good life. I had it going in my life. I'm all secured and happy right now. Because I don't have YOUR commitments, YOUR endurance, YOUR burdens.

Right... Right right. Yes you are right. You all has the worse lives.You are the most unfortunate human beings in the world. You are so down on your luck right now. Yes yes yes. I agree I agree.

I've listen to it more than ten thousands of time. You all are repeating the same thing over and over again.

And because of this I try my best to stay the fuck away from all of you. I had enough of it already. No matter what you all continue to say I will not do anything different. Because I stand by myself.

We are born alone and will die alone. So I have no fear towards being lonely. I had been through it. Even right now.

Yes, I live in my own world. I'm very weird as you all say. But that's me. Nothing can change that. If I allow you all to change my point of view and my own life, then why don't I kill myself, tie my hands and feet with ropes, then let you dangle my lifeless body around like you would love to do so much?

Thanks for controlling my life, but seriously, no thanks. You can drink all you want, you can spend all you want, you can lecture all you want, you can nag all you want, you can do whatever fucks you want, but I can only tell you that, I am here by myself. I make my own decisions. I walk with my own footsteps.

That's how I live. That's how I breathe. Thanks.

my truthfully,

:: stitched on` ::*|14:39|

:: [0] care[s] ::


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:: ..it is me.. ::
Ailurophile. Irascible. Desultory. Furtive.


:: ..Type Here.. ::

:: ..pages i stalk.. ::
..queen of mushrooms..
..best page on earth..

:: ..Tick Tock.. :: --------------------------------------

:: ..Calender 2013.. ::


::..Wishes.. ::
~ eternal financial stability, bitch
~ Tokyo solo 2013
~ to Japan, I go for second time!
~ to Japan, I go!
~ Canon G12
~ Superheadz Ultra Wide and Slim!
~ Superheadz Golden Half!
~ new camera!
~ a studio home
~ publish a novel/short stories compilation

:: ..Crédits.. ::
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