Absit Invidia

Thursday, 23 May 2013

[ ..ola amigo.. ]

Hi, my name is Suwa. I hope you still remember me.

Life's been alright. I'm writing on another daily journal now. But it's a private journal that only I can read/review. She said it'll be good to write for myself.

Apparently I have a mild OCD in which I plan way ahead into my future too darn much that it's messing with my head. So, I do try my best to stop planning anything.

But it kinda fails. Coz I'm planning more than ever now that I know that I'm an OCD planner.

Man. It sucks. But I'll try again.

Anyway, life's been good. Nothing much ever happens. Nothing exciting. Nothing too boring. It's okay, I guess.

My colleage, W, just came back from her holiday in Seoul. I passed her some Won prior her trip so she can get me some nail polishes that's unavailable in my country.

I got six new nail polishes now. One from Etude House, two from Innisfree and three from Tony Moly. Gosh, I love Tony Moly.

I also have ten different sheet masks from four different brands too. It's cool.

And a hand cream.

I wish I can go on a holiday too. Money's tight. But I'm living comfortably, so I shouldn't complain.

Well, I wish I have more to say here. I'll be back when I feel like it. If there are actually readers on this blog, I thank you for reading this nonsense. I wish my life's much more exciting than just nail polishes too.

:: stitched on` ::*|21:01|

:: [0] sew something ::

--------------------------------------------------------

Wednesday, 17 April 2013

[ ..roundabout.. ]

It's difficult to explain to others how I feel. Carl Jung described it ever so perfectly about my state of mind now.

"As a child I felt myself to be alone, and I am still, because I know things and must hint at things which others apparently know nothing of, and for the most part do not want to know. Loneliness does not come from having no people about one, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to oneself, or from holding certain views which others find inadmissible. The loneliness began with the experiences of my early dreams, and reached its climax at the time at the time when I was working on the

unconscious.

If a man knows more than others, he becomes lonely. But loneliness is not necessarily inimical to companionship, for no one is more sensitive to companionship than the lonely person, and companionship thrives only when each individual remembers his individuality and does not identify himself with others.

I have had much trouble in living with my ideas. There was a daemon in me, and in the end its presence proved decisive; it overpowered me. I could never stop at anything once attained. I had to hasten on, to catch up with my vision. Since my contemparies, understandably, could not perceive my vision, they saw only a fool rushing ahead.

I have offended many people, for as soon as I saw that they did not understand me, that was the end of the matter so far as I was concerned: I had to move on. I had no patience with people. I had to obey an inner law which was imposed on me and left me no freedom of choice. Of course, I did not always obey it. How can anyone live without inconsistency?

For some people I was continually present and close to them so long as they were related to my inner world; but then it might happen that I was no longer with them, because there was nothing left which would link me to them. I had to learn painfully that people continued to exist even when they had nothing more to say to me. Many excited in me a feeling of living humanity, but only when they appeared within the magic circle of psychology; next moment, when the spotlight cast its beam elsewhere, there was nothing to be seen. I was able to become intensely interested in people; but as soon as I had seen through them, the magic was gone. In this way I made many enemies.

A creative person has little power over his own life. He is not free. He is captive and driven by his daemon. Perhaps I might say: I need people to a higher degree than others, and at the same time much less.

I am astonished, disappointed, pleased with myself. I am distressed, depressed, rapturous. I am all these things at once, and cannot add up the sum. I am incapable of determining ultimate worth or worthlessness; I have no judgment about myself and my life. There is nothing I am quite sure about. I have no definite convictions - not about anything, really. I only know that I was born and exist, and it seems to me that I have been carried along. I exist on the foundation of something I do not know. In spite of all uncertainties, I feel solidity underlying all existence and continuity in my mode of being.

When Lao-tzu says: "All are clear, I alone am clouded," he is expressing what I now feel in advanced old age. Lao-tzu is the example of a man with superior insight who has seen and experienced worth and worthlessness, and who at the end of his life desires to return into his own being, into the eternal unknowable meaning.

Extract from "Memories, Dreams and Reflections" by Carl Jung

:: stitched on` ::*|18:21|

:: [0] sew something ::

--------------------------------------------------------

Tuesday, 9 April 2013

[ ..thread.. ]

Future seems rather bleak
All day and night I feel weak
Life's like walking on a thin line of thread
Living through the days drowning in dread
Feeling aggrieved from the harsh reality
Riveting life is clearly not meant to be
Oppressed violently by a sense of failure
Melancholia is not very helpful either
Getting on with life woefully uninspired
Rose-tinted glasses desperately required
A gentle meow in the night is all I need
Cuddling in my arms as he kneads
Ending my life now seems too much of a misdeed

:: stitched on` ::*|21:33|

:: [0] sew something ::

--------------------------------------------------------

Friday, 5 April 2013

[ ..here's cat.. ]

There was a time when I feel like writing about the things that happens in my daily life. Or write about how I feel about things. Write about things that I hide from my daily life.

But my therapist said sometimes I should just let things flow naturally. I don't need to explain things to anyone. I don't even need to explain things to myself, in which she explained that that's what my writing intends to anyway.

She told me to be quiet. Savour the quiet moments in life. Listen to music that makes you happy. Don't speak unless spoken to. Do things that will only bring you peace and quiet.

Look at things that will make you smile. Don't let other people's words agitate you. Read more books.

So far, I think the therapy is working. So far, I don't need any medications yet. Although I wish I have some so I'll feel that the cost of therapy will be more worthwhile.

Cat's going back to vet almost broke me down, but with a little slow steps and clear thinking, I manage to pull myself together and not have another nervous breakdown.

But everything's fine. Everything's alright. Everything's wonderful.

If I ever feel like locking myself in the washroom and cry for an hour again, I'll just look at a picture of my cat.

Whether life's good or bad, there's no need waste time to explain and record. Just enjoy it as it goes. Life's too short.

:: stitched on` ::*|18:54|

:: [0] sew something ::

--------------------------------------------------------

Wednesday, 27 March 2013

[ ..bye, pak non.. ]

I've heard that you were leaving, but I never expected you to leave us this way.

I wish I had the chance to know you better. No, no. I wish I had the chance to know you at all. I'd been sitting at this place since Dec 2010. I'm the third closest person seated near your office but I don't remember saying a word to you before.

I don't think I even know you enough to say rest in peace. That's why I'm remaining silence about your passing.

While the others are saying how they'll miss your wit and conversation, I'll just say that I will miss your loud guffaw from across the newsroom and also your silent shuffle across our small desk and behind me every day of the week.

I don't know what to say, really.

I don't know. It's just, I always feel your presence is comforting in the newsroom.

I think this place had just lost its heart and soul.

This place will be a cold vault filled emotionless and robotic people.

:: stitched on` ::*|16:58|

:: [0] sew something ::

--------------------------------------------------------

Wednesday, 13 March 2013

[ ..walk.. ]

I keep walking but I don't know where am I heading to.

So, I just stop and listen to the quietness around me. I hope someone could tell me to keep walking and directing me to a place that I'll like.

But all I can hear is silence.

:: stitched on` ::*|19:46|

:: [0] sew something ::

--------------------------------------------------------

Friday, 22 February 2013

[ ..drowsy.. ]

:: stitched on` ::*|15:49|

:: [0] sew something ::

--------------------------------------------------------

‹Older



Thursday, 23 May 2013 [ ..ola amigo.. ] Hi, my name is Suwa. I hope you still remember me. Life's been alright. I'm writing on another daily journal now. But it's a private journal that only I can read/review. She said it'll be good to write for myself. Apparently I have a mild OCD in which I plan way ahead into my future too darn much that it's messing with my head. So, I do try my best to stop planning anything. But it kinda fails. Coz I'm planning more than ever now that I know that I'm an OCD planner. Man. It sucks. But I'll try again. Anyway, life's been good. Nothing much ever happens. Nothing exciting. Nothing too boring. It's okay, I guess. My colleage, W, just came back from her holiday in Seoul. I passed her some Won prior her trip so she can get me some nail polishes that's unavailable in my country. I got six new nail polishes now. One from Etude House, two from Innisfree and three from Tony Moly. Gosh, I love Tony Moly. I also have ten different sheet masks from four different brands too. It's cool. And a hand cream. I wish I can go on a holiday too. Money's tight. But I'm living comfortably, so I shouldn't complain. Well, I wish I have more to say here. I'll be back when I feel like it. If there are actually readers on this blog, I thank you for reading this nonsense. I wish my life's much more exciting than just nail polishes too. :: stitched on` ::*\|21:01\| :: [0] sew something :: -------------------------------------------------------- Wednesday, 17 April 2013 [ ..roundabout.. ] It's difficult to explain to others how I feel. Carl Jung described it ever so perfectly about my state of mind now. "As a child I felt myself to be alone, and I am still, because I know things and must hint at things which others apparently know nothing of, and for the most part do not want to know. Loneliness does not come from having no people about one, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to oneself, or from holding certain views which others find inadmissible. The loneliness began with the experiences of my early dreams, and reached its climax at the time at the time when I was working on the unconscious. If a man knows more than others, he becomes lonely. But loneliness is not necessarily inimical to companionship, for no one is more sensitive to companionship than the lonely person, and companionship thrives only when each individual remembers his individuality and does not identify himself with others. I have had much trouble in living with my ideas. There was a daemon in me, and in the end its presence proved decisive; it overpowered me. I could never stop at anything once attained. I had to hasten on, to catch up with my vision. Since my contemparies, understandably, could not perceive my vision, they saw only a fool rushing ahead. I have offended many people, for as soon as I saw that they did not understand me, that was the end of the matter so far as I was concerned: I had to move on. I had no patience with people. I had to obey an inner law which was imposed on me and left me no freedom of choice. Of course, I did not always obey it. How can anyone live without inconsistency? For some people I was continually present and close to them so long as they were related to my inner world; but then it might happen that I was no longer with them, because there was nothing left which would link me to them. I had to learn painfully that people continued to exist even when they had nothing more to say to me. Many excited in me a feeling of living humanity, but only when they appeared within the magic circle of psychology; next moment, when the spotlight cast its beam elsewhere, there was nothing to be seen. I was able to become intensely interested in people; but as soon as I had seen through them, the magic was gone. In this way I made many enemies. A creative person has little power over his own life. He is not free. He is captive and driven by his daemon. Perhaps I might say: I need people to a higher degree than others, and at the same time much less. I am astonished, disappointed, pleased with myself. I am distressed, depressed, rapturous. I am all these things at once, and cannot add up the sum. I am incapable of determining ultimate worth or worthlessness; I have no judgment about myself and my life. There is nothing I am quite sure about. I have no definite convictions - not about anything, really. I only know that I was born and exist, and it seems to me that I have been carried along. I exist on the foundation of something I do not know. In spite of all uncertainties, I feel solidity underlying all existence and continuity in my mode of being. When Lao-tzu says: "All are clear, I alone am clouded," he is expressing what I now feel in advanced old age. Lao-tzu is the example of a man with superior insight who has seen and experienced worth and worthlessness, and who at the end of his life desires to return into his own being, into the eternal unknowable meaning. Extract from "Memories, Dreams and Reflections" by Carl Jung :: stitched on` ::*\|18:21\| :: [0] sew something :: -------------------------------------------------------- Tuesday, 9 April 2013 [ ..thread.. ] Future seems rather bleak All day and night I feel weak Life's like walking on a thin line of thread Living through the days drowning in dread Feeling aggrieved from the harsh reality Riveting life is clearly not meant to be Oppressed violently by a sense of failure Melancholia is not very helpful either Getting on with life woefully uninspired Rose-tinted glasses desperately required A gentle meow in the night is all I need Cuddling in my arms as he kneads Ending my life now seems too much of a misdeed :: stitched on` ::*\|21:33\| :: [0] sew something :: -------------------------------------------------------- Friday, 5 April 2013 [ ..here's cat.. ] There was a time when I feel like writing about the things that happens in my daily life. Or write about how I feel about things. Write about things that I hide from my daily life. But my therapist said sometimes I should just let things flow naturally. I don't need to explain things to anyone. I don't even need to explain things to myself, in which she explained that that's what my writing intends to anyway. She told me to be quiet. Savour the quiet moments in life. Listen to music that makes you happy. Don't speak unless spoken to. Do things that will only bring you peace and quiet. Look at things that will make you smile. Don't let other people's words agitate you. Read more books. So far, I think the therapy is working. So far, I don't need any medications yet. Although I wish I have some so I'll feel that the cost of therapy will be more worthwhile. Cat's going back to vet almost broke me down, but with a little slow steps and clear thinking, I manage to pull myself together and not have another nervous breakdown. But everything's fine. Everything's alright. Everything's wonderful. If I ever feel like locking myself in the washroom and cry for an hour again, I'll just look at a picture of my cat. Whether life's good or bad, there's no need waste time to explain and record. Just enjoy it as it goes. Life's too short. :: stitched on` ::*\|18:54\| :: [0] sew something :: -------------------------------------------------------- Wednesday, 27 March 2013 [ ..bye, pak non.. ] I've heard that you were leaving, but I never expected you to leave us this way. I wish I had the chance to know you better. No, no. I wish I had the chance to know you at all. I'd been sitting at this place since Dec 2010. I'm the third closest person seated near your office but I don't remember saying a word to you before. I don't think I even know you enough to say rest in peace. That's why I'm remaining silence about your passing. While the others are saying how they'll miss your wit and conversation, I'll just say that I will miss your loud guffaw from across the newsroom and also your silent shuffle across our small desk and behind me every day of the week. I don't know what to say, really. I don't know. It's just, I always feel your presence is comforting in the newsroom. I think this place had just lost its heart and soul. This place will be a cold vault filled emotionless and robotic people. :: stitched on` ::*\|16:58\| :: [0] sew something :: -------------------------------------------------------- Wednesday, 13 March 2013 [ ..walk.. ] I keep walking but I don't know where am I heading to. So, I just stop and listen to the quietness around me. I hope someone could tell me to keep walking and directing me to a place that I'll like. But all I can hear is silence. :: stitched on` ::*\|19:46\| :: [0] sew something :: -------------------------------------------------------- Friday, 22 February 2013 [ ..drowsy.. ] :: stitched on` ::*\|15:49\| :: [0] sew something :: -------------------------------------------------------- ‹Older	:: ..it is me.. :: -------------------------------------- Ailurophile. Irascible. Desultory. Furtive. Me :: ..Type Here.. :: -------------------------------------- :: ..pages i stalk.. :: --------------------------------------- ..queen of mushrooms.. ..my news source.. ..best page on earth.. ..maru channel ..shironekoshiro channel.. :: ..Tick Tock.. :: -------------------------------------- :: ..Calender 2012.. :: June --------------------------------------- 19' Bangkok 23' Back from Bangkok ::..Wishes.. :: -------------------------------------- ~ eternal financial stability ~ Shiro-kyun will live up to 20 years! ~ ~~Tokyo solo rendezvous x new year 2013~~ ~ ~~to Japan, I go for second time!~~ ~ ~~to Japan, I go!~~ ~ ~~Canon G12~~ ~ ~~Superheadz Ultra Wide and Slim!~~ ~ ~~Superheadz Golden Half!~~ ~ new digital semi-pro camera! ~ a studio home ~ ~~a good job!~~ ~ publish a novel/short stories compilation ~ meet Bjork! ~ meet Norah! :: ..Crédits.. :: -------------------------------------- Blog Désign: Michiika Photo: SuuwaXSupatenshi :: ..Histoires.. :: -------------------------------------- ::March 2007:: ::May 2007:: ::June 2007:: ::August 2007:: ::October 2007:: ::November 2007:: ::December 2007:: ::March 2008:: ::May 2008:: ::June 2008:: ::July 2008:: ::August 2008:: ::November 2008:: ::December 2008:: ::January 2009:: ::February 2009:: ::March 2009:: ::April 2009:: ::May 2009:: ::June 2009:: ::July 2009:: ::August 2009:: ::September 2009:: ::October 2009:: ::November 2009:: ::December 2009:: ::January 2010:: ::February 2010:: ::March 2010:: ::April 2010:: ::May 2010:: ::June 2010:: ::July 2010:: ::August 2010:: ::September 2010:: ::October 2010:: ::November 2010:: ::December 2010:: ::January 2011:: ::February 2011:: ::March 2011:: ::April 2011:: ::May 2011:: ::June 2011:: ::July 2011:: ::August 2011:: ::September 2011:: ::October 2011:: ::November 2011:: ::December 2011:: ::January 2012:: ::February 2012:: ::March 2012:: ::April 2012:: ::May 2012:: ::June 2012:: ::July 2012:: ::August 2012:: ::September 2012:: ::October 2012:: ::November 2012:: ::December 2012:: ::January 2013:: ::February 2013:: ::March 2013:: ::April 2013:: ::May 2013:: :: ..Garbage Bin.. :: -------------------------------------- :: ..i ♥ these.. :: --------------------------------------- ..Dragon.. ..Those were the Days.. ..New Old Camera.. ..Letter to Johnny.. ..Comic Fiesta '08.. ..Christmas '08.. ..Fun Day Out .. ..Fake Artist.. ..Hadyai '06.. ..Goodbye.. ..Food Paradise.. ..Faces.. ..20.. ..Leaving Raintown.. ..Raintown in Numbers.. ..Outing.. ..Epic Fail.. ..The Fence.. ..To Yoshito Usui.. ..350.. ..Short.. ..Paper Heart.. ..History of Shirokyun- so far.. ..Numb.. ..Smile.. ..Rouge.. ..Goodbye, My Love.. ..Comic Fiesta '09.. ..21.. ..Chicks and Cat.. ..To Kurt Cobain.. ..Vanish.. ..Scars and Shiro.. ..Grand Monsieur.. ..Peanuts.. ..Sometimes.. ..Teal.. ..Noir.. ..2011 résolutions.. ..Those Days.. ..Flow.. ..Sunny Day at the Graveyard.. ..Birdies.. ..2012 resolutions.. ..Kuching.. ..Fireworks ..melaka.. ..22 things.. ..ode to dad..